So….I JUST started playing video games on the PS4. When I was younger, my parents refused to let me play video games (they made me play outside and read books instead), and as much as I appreciate their good parenting I feel like I have slightly missed out. Now that I am an adult, I can do whatever I want with my playstation so I decided why not play games and see what all the fuss is about. It has definitely been a very entertaining journey full of dramatic failures and lots of judgement from the 6th graders I babysit on the weekends. So here are my top ten video game fails.
- While playing Alien Isolation I was crawling around in the vents, minding my own business and not paying attention to anything. As I was crawling, I heard a sound and it was then I realized that THE ALIEN CAN CRAWL IN THE VENTS TOO. It turned the corner and we just kinda stared at each other for a split second. It was probably thinking “what kind of dumbass would crawl around in the vents when it knows I the Magiestic Alien uses them as a way to travel around the ship?”.I then tried to escape, but I hit a random button on my control and I accidentally threw the noisemaker I was carrying at it. The noisemaker hit the Alien square in the nose. Then it screeched and ate my face off.
Here is a picture:
2. Another Alien Isolation moment, I was struggling at a segment where I had to kill off about 6 humans, then escape in the access elevator to go to the next level. I had just about had it, and was about to give up when I realized that I had a EMP mine bomb stored away. Those are the ones that produce a spout of electricity, very useful for disabling Working Joes, and I decided to find out if it worked just as well on people. So, first I when up to one of those access controls and turned off the air ventilation so it was nice and steamy, then i crawled my way up to where all 6 of the humans were, guarding the elevator. I threw the bomb, and it went off. The humans were kinda like “WTF was that?!”, and then I snuck in and hit the elevator button as it was going off. As I was waiting, the Alien decided to show it. It attacked one of the humans, and I–in a deluded panic–turned on my flamethrower and did a 360. Successfully killing the already electrified humans with fire, scaring the Alien off and hoping into the elevator. It wasn’t the most elegant way to escape, but it worked.
3. I was playing Just Cause 3 with my friends, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to learn how to fly. I would fly up, plummet down, then fly up again, all in the same time avoiding trees, rocks and water. It was during this crazy falling flight that I managed to take out an entire base by accidentally dropping a bomb on in while in mid flight. Sometimes pushing random buttons works!
4. I was playing the Witcher 3, and through a series of random events managed to make Geralt run naked through the town. The townsfolks totally noticed, and I got lots of “Oh my!” and even a “Put on your pants, good sir”. I also caught a chicken on fire, picked a whole bunch of wild flowers and killed one of those swamp monsters. All while naked.
5. During the Last of Us, it took me 30 minutes to walk across a plank. I kept falling and dying. Oh man, if those characters could talk they would be like “what an idiot”. One time I punched the air, and then fell.
6. Another time in Alien Isolation, I was in the Psych Ward, playing the level where you have to go through six different rooms to turn off the something or another to get the med kit (or something like that). While I was poking around in one of the rooms, I found a button and the game prompted me to push it. Thinking it was the way to turn on the generator (or whatever), I pushed it without a second thought. It made the toilet flush. The Alien heard the flush, came into the room and ate my face. Thanks a lot, toilet.
7. While playing Grand Theft Auto, outran an entire an entire force squad on a pogo stick.
8. In Second Life, I one time programmed my avatar to become a Xenomorph, and I dressed him in a tie and top hat. Then I proceeded to go to Newbie Island where I sat on one of the lawn chairs and casually sipped a margarita while screeching at the newbies. It was quite a spectacle and I’m sure it confused a lot of people. I also took him to the dance club and made him dance. I named him Paul.
9. Another time in Second Life, I had one of those virtual cats that required real time care (like changing the litter box, being fed treats and so on). So, I fed my kitty, changed the littler box and then proceeded to dress in one of my clubbing outfits. When I got to the club, someone came up to me and we started chatting. A little while later he asked what was in my hand. I looked at my avatar and realized that I had been carrying a can of cat food with me the entire time. In my fancy formal dress. I told him it was cat food and he was like, “okay…..gotta go”. Not the strangest thing that has ever happened in Second Life, but it definitely made me laugh.
10. While playing Star Wars: Battlefront I managed to throw myself not once, but twice into the Sarlacc Pit. In a row.